masabag

Good Manners special bag

2008-07-09T19:10:00.001-07:00

shoulder bag special bag travel bag During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.""That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner." The teacher fainted...

The stupid letter shoulder bag

2008-07-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

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Two psychiatrists were at a convention. “What was your most difficult case?” one asked the other.
“Once I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world,” replied his colleague. “He believed that a wildly rich uncle in South America was going to leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a makebelieve letter to arrive from a fictitious attorney. He never went out or did anything. He just sat around and waited.”
“What was the result?”
“It was an eightyear struggle, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived...”

The Secret of Long Life nonwoven bag

2008-07-09T19:08:00.002-07:00

sports bag nonwoven bag trolley bag There was an old man about 85 years old in very robust health. Newspaper and television journalists came on his birthday to interview him about the secret of long life. So he said, "Oh, no problem, I just walk about five miles every day, and then I do some bicycling and swimming whenever I like. But walking is a basic routine in my life; I make it a point to walk five miles a day, every morning." But one of the journalist was very skeptical, said, "My father also walked five miles every day but he died at fifty." So the old man said, "Now then, he didn't do it long enough, that's why."

Such A Believer sports bag

2008-07-09T19:08:00.001-07:00

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A person claimed that he was a hard-core believer of God! He believed that God would save him in any situation, so he needed no one except Hirm. One day, there was a great flood. The water rose so high that he was almost submerged in it. He climbed onto the roof and prayed to God for help. He thought that God would definitely come and save him. Suddenly a boat came along and the boatman shouted to him: "Come aboard quickly! I will take you to a safe place." The man shook his head and said: "No! I am waiting for God. Hes will definitely
come to save me. In Hirm alone I trust. Hes is the only life-saving force. I am not going with you." The flood water kept rising until the roof was almost submerged. He continued to pray to God. Suddenly, a helicopter flew near and someone lowered a rope and asked him to climb up. He insisted:"No! No! You are not my lifesaver! You are not the worthy one.
I am waiting for God to save me. Very soon, St. Peter went to get him! Having arrived in Heaven, the man complained to God: "I believed in You all my life. Why didn't You respond to my prayers or come to my rescue?
You let me drown in the flood." God replied: "What do you mean I didn't come to save you? I sent a boat and then a helicopter to rescue you, but you turned them away!"

Who is nuts? pencil bag

2008-07-09T19:07:00.001-07:00

school bag pencil bag laptop bag In a hospital for mentally disturbed people, whenn a hospital for mentally disturbed people, when the doctor walked into the room of a patient, he saw him dangling from the ceiling. Being frightened, he called the nurse to come and pull him down for fear that the man might fall to his death. The nurse said: "Doctor, every day this patient thinks that he is a lamp, therefore, he often hangs from the ceiling!" The doctor said: "No, you have to pull him down at once; otherwise, he'll die if he falls down." After a pause, the nurse answered: "But the light will go out after I pull him down!

A phone call to FBI school bag

2008-07-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

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The phone rings at FBI headquarters."Hello?""Hello,is that FBI?" "Yes. Whan do you want ?" "I'm calling you to report my neighbor Tom. he is hiding marijuana in his firewood.""This will be noted."Next day,the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept,break every piece of wood,find no marijuana,swear at Tom and leave.the phone rings at Tom's house."Hey,Tom!Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did theychop your firewood ?" "Yeah they did ." "OKay now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Bad Business tote bag

2008-07-09T19:05:00.002-07:00

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A salesman was chatting with the owner of a motel."Business is terrible," said the motel owner. 'Really bad."
　　"But every time I drive by here you have the 'no vacancy' sign on. " said the salesman.
　　"That's true," replied the motel owner. "But I used to turn away 30 to 35 people a night. Now, I only turn away ten to 15."

One yuan shopping bag

2008-07-09T19:05:00.001-07:00

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The teacher asked Tom :”Why did you come to school so late this morning?”
　　“Someone lost one yuan ,” answered Tom.
　　“Oh, I know.” You helped him find the money,” the teacher said.
　　“No, I stood on the money until the person went away.”

a letter black write to white cosmetic bag

2008-07-09T19:03:00.000-07:00

handbag cosmetic bag trolley bag Dear white,something you got to know.　
When I was born, I was black.　　　　
When I grow up, I am black.　　
When I'm under the sun, I'm black.　　
When I'm cold, I'm black.　　
When I'm afraid, I'm black.　　
When I'm sick, I'm black.　　
When Idie, I'm still black.　　
You———white people,　　
When you were born,you were pink.　　
When you grow up,you become white.　　
You're red under the sun.　　
You're blue when you're cold.　　
You are yellow when you're afraid.　　
You're green when you're sick.　　
You're gray when you die.　　
And you,call me"color"?　

A Fine Match handbag

2008-07-09T19:02:00.000-07:00

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One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse." The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap. Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

Who should brew the coffee water bag

2008-07-09T19:01:00.001-07:00

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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
　　Wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
　　Husband said, " I can't believe that, show me."
　　So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: "HEBREWS".

Do you pay taxes? cooler bag

2008-07-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

cooler bag water bag laptop bag A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.
　　At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
　　"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

A Problem in Arithmetic portfolio

2008-07-09T18:59:00.002-07:00

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Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily. One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store. "Six for five cents." "But I don't want six apples." "How many apples do you want?" "It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic." "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man. "Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you." Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

A Problem in Arithmetic

2008-07-09T18:59:00.001-07:00

cooler bag water bag laptop bag Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily. One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store. "Six for five cents." "But I don't want six apples." "How many apples do you want?" "It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic." "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man. "Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you." Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

Persistance portfolio

2008-07-09T18:58:00.003-07:00

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Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter.

"Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?" 　　

"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun." 　　

Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?" 　　

A Smart Housewife hydration pack

2008-07-09T18:58:00.001-07:00

hydration pack portfolio travel bag A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning.
She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"

The World's Greatest Swordsman drawstring backpack

2008-07-09T18:57:00.001-07:00

backpack drawstring backpack trolley bag At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman. 　　

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile. 　
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!" 　　
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea backpack

2008-07-09T18:56:00.001-07:00

backpack drawstring backpack trolley bag Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it. When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in. Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

The Same Service student bag

2008-07-09T18:55:00.002-07:00

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A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. "When I was first married, I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers. Now everything's changed. When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at me." "I don't know what you're complaining about," said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."

Reached Shore Fast briefcase

2008-07-09T18:55:00.001-07:00

briefcase student bag laptop bag A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

The bear and the rabbit computer bag

2008-07-09T18:53:00.002-07:00

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There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes. The bear went first and he said,” I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

MOSES & JESUS laptop bag

2008-07-09T18:53:00.001-07:00

laptop bag computer bag travel bag A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".

Childrens Minds trolley luggage

2008-07-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

trolley bag trolley luggage laptop bag A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you. Better to be safe than...punch a 5th grader. Never underestimate the power of...termites. You can lead a horse to water but...how? Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty. No news is... impossible. A miss is as good as a... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new... math. If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning. Love all, trust... me. The pen is mightier than the... pigs. An idle mind is... the best way to relax. Where there's smoke there's... pollution. A penny saved is... not much. Don't put off till tomorrow what...you put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose. None are so blind as... Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries. You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box. When the blind lead the blind... get out of the way.

Funny Faces trolley bag

2008-07-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

trolley bag trolley luggage laptop bag Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

it seems good if wife is newspaper duffel bag

2008-07-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

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Wife talking to her husband，who reads newspaper all day: I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

Did You Say Treatment, or Cure? travel bag

2008-07-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

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Two farmers met with each other, and the first one said, "Didn't your horse have that disease that was going around?” The friend replied, “Yes, he did! He had it bad.” “So, what did you do for him?” asked the first farmer. “Well, I dosed him good with a half pint of linseed oil, a tablespoon of turpentine, and three tablespoons of castor oil.”A few days later, the two farmers met again. The first farmer asked his friend, “Didn’t you tell me you gave your horse a half pint of linseed oil, a tablespoon of turpentine, and three tablespoons of castor oil?” The second said, “Yes, I sure did!” The first farmer exclaimed, “I thought that’s what you said, but when I gave it to my horse, he died!” And the friend said, “Of course! Mine did, too!”

Overworked trolley luggage

2008-07-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

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For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I've found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.

Prison VS. Work Debate trolley luggage

2008-07-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

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IN PRISON..you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.AT WORK..you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON..you get three meals a day.AT WORK..you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON..you get time off for good behavior.AT WORK..you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.IN PRISON..a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.AT WORK..you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON..you can watch TV and play games.AT WORK..you get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON..you get your own toilet.AT WORK..you have to share.IN PRISON..they allow your family and friends to visit.AT WORK..you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

NEW Barbie dolls trolley bag

2008-07-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

trolley bag trolley luggage laptop bag At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide withHer and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...1. BIFOCALS BARBIE. Comes with her own set of blended-lensfashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chainand large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.2. HOT FLASH BARBIE. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch herface turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear onher forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.3. FACIAL HAIR BARBIE. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.4. FLABBY ARMS BARBIE. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with thesenew, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front,too - muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.5. BUNION BARBIE. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe hersores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.6. NO-MORE-WRINKLES-BARBIE. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lineswith a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusiveage-blasting cosmetics.7. SOCCER MOM BARBIE. All that experience as a cheer-leaderis really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high schoolmegaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan inrobin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holesand fruit punch.8. MID-LIFE CRISIS BARBIE. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbieneeds a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just whatthe doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in hernew red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B.Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."9. DIVORCED BARBIE. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house,Ken's car, and Ken's boat. 10. RECOVERY BARBIE. Too many parties have finally caught up withthe ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dancesteps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comeswith a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.11. POST-MENOPAUSAL BARBIE. This Barbie wets her pants when shesneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonusthis year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

Bumper Stickers duffel bag

2008-07-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

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"U.S. Government Philosophy: If It Ain't Broke, Fix It 'Til It Is" Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... Horn broken. Watch for finger No Matter Where You Go, There You Are. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Dare to keep the CIA off Drugs. Forget the Whales, Save the Cowboy. Old Skiers Never Die. They Just go Downhill. Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch. Happiness is the Ball in the Fairway. I brake for Hallucinations. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Illiterate? Call This Number for Help... Welcome to Colorado - Now Go Home Smile - Its The Second Best Thing you can do with Your Lips. "Telling an Old Person He's Useless is Abortion on the Other End" Ask First If The Animal Wants To Be Killed Your Mother's Choice was Pro-Life. [Waah...] This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random Guns may kill, but I maim. Life is just like a bar. Last call comes to soon. Tailgaters will be shot. If you don't like my driving then honk, and wait for gun shots. Don't ask what your customers can do for you, ask how much you can take them for. Drunk NRA Member On Board. If you can read this..*SCREECH* then expect a call from my lawyer. Those who remember their weekend don't party enough. I always begin a new week the same. The detox guys even know me by name! I always begin a new week the same. By saying hello to the detox guards. Gun control is hittin' what you shoot at! WELCOME TO NEW HAMPSHIRE, NOW LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Nothing Duct-Tape Won't Fix! My dog ate your honor student! Don't steal, the government hates competition! WATCH OUT! There is a blond driving. I'm not speeding officer i'm just driving my car. I'm not following to close... it is called "Drafting" Next time wave all your fingers at me! Live long enough to become a problem to your kids. I would rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford. Wife and dog missing!! Reward for dog. If god paid for our sins, lets get our monies worth! Heavens scared of me,and hell thinks I'll take over. If you can read this you're TOO close. Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Love is grand...divorce is twenty grand I'm in no shape to exercise! If its not one thing its your mother! Love your neighbor, but don't get caught! I am a virgin(this is an old sticker) If you do something you'll regret in the morning... SLEEP TILL NOON! Don't drink and drive you may hit a bump and spill your drink. Eat Canadian lamb...40,000 coyotes cant be wrong! Individualists of the world-UNITE! Don't be humble--your not that great. I gave up drinking smoking and sex! that was the worst 15 minutes of my life. Illiterate? write for free help. My lawyer can beat up your lawyer. My mother told me to be good...but she's been wrong before. Yes, as a mater of fact i DO own the whole damn road Nobody is ugly after 2a.m. I spent most of my money on booze, boats and broads... the rest I wasted. You must pay for your sins! (if you have already paid please discard this notice). A penny for your thoughts, twenty bucks to act them out!

You Know You’re Drinking Too travel bag

2008-07-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

travel bag duffel bag trolley bag Juan Valdez names his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack." You answer the door before people knock. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House." You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee." You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. Cocaine is a downer. All your kids are named "Joe." Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty- three more, I'll have a cup." The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

The Salt Merchant and His Ass laptop bag

2008-07-02T20:14:00.002-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag A PEDDLER drove his Ass to the seashore to buy salt. His roadhome lay across a stream into which his Ass, making a false step,fell by accident and rose up again with his load considerablylighter, as the water melted the sack. The Peddler retraced hissteps and refilled his panniers with a larger quantity of saltthan before. When he came again to the stream, the Ass fell downon purpose in the same spot, and, regaining his feet with theweight of his load much diminished, brayed triumphantly as if hehad obtained what he desired. The Peddler saw through his trickand drove him for the third time to the coast, where he bought acargo of sponges instead of salt. The Ass, again playing thefool, fell down on purpose when he reached the stream, but thesponges became swollen with water, greatly increasing his load. And thus his trick recoiled on him, for he now carried on hisback a double burden.

THE SCORPION AND THE LADYBUG trolley bag

2008-07-02T20:14:00.001-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag A Scorpion befriended a Ladybug who became a loyal companionto him. A time came when she struggled to cross a challengingand dangerous river, and so the Scorpion offered to take herto the other side on his back. He had come to care for herand promised he would never harm her. But, safely across theriver, he allowed his tail to dip upon her with its venomoussting. As she lay in greatest pain, she said, "... but, youpromised... why?" He shrugged and said, sadly, "Because it ismy Nature."
Regardless of our wishes, or even our intent, it is to our Nature alone that we will be faithful.

The Seaside Travelers travel bag

2008-07-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

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SOME TRAVELERS, journeying along the seashore, climbed to thesummit of a tall cliff, and looking over the sea, saw in thedistance what they thought was a large ship. They waited in thehope of seeing it enter the harbor, but as the object on whichthey looked was driven nearer to shore by the wind, they foundthat it could at the most be a small boat, and not a ship. Whenhowever it reached the beach, they discovered that it was only alarge faggot of sticks, and one of them said to his companions,"We have waited for no purpose, for after all there is nothing tosee but a load of wood."
Our mere anticipations of life outrun its realities.

The Serpent and the Eagle laptop bag

2008-07-02T20:12:00.001-07:00

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An Eagle swooped down upon a Serpent and seized it in his talonswith the intention of carrying it off and devouring it. But theSerpent was too quick for him and had its coils round him in a moment;and then there ensued a life-and-death struggle between the two. Acountryman, who was a witness of the encounter, came to the assistanceof the eagle, and succeeded in freeing him from the Serpent andenabling him to escape. In revenge, the Serpent spat some of hispoison into the man's drinking-horn. Heated with his exertions, theman was about to slake his thirst with a draught from the horn, whenthe Eagle knocked it out of his hand, and spilled its contents uponthe ground.
"One good turn deserves another."

The She-Goats and Their Beards trolley bag

2008-07-02T20:11:00.002-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag THE SHE-GOATS having obtained a beard by request to Jupiter, The He-Goats were sorely displeased and made complaint that the females equaled them in dignity. "Allow them," said Jupiter, "to enjoy an empty honor and to assume the badge of your nobler sex, so long as they are not your equals in strength or courage."
It matters little if those who are inferior to us in merit should be like us in outside appearances.

The Shepherd and the Sea travel bag

2008-07-02T20:11:00.001-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag A SHEPHERD, keeping watch over his sheep near the shore, saw theSea very calm and smooth, and longed to make a voyage with a viewto commerce. He sold all his flock, invested it in a cargo ofdates, and set sail. But a very great tempest came on, and theship being in danger of sinking, he threw all his merchandiseoverboard, and barely escaped with his life in the empty ship. Not long afterwards when someone passed by and observed theunruffled calm of the Sea, he interrupted him and said, "It isagain in want of dates, and therefore looks quiet."

The Shepherds Boy laptop bag

2008-07-02T20:09:00.002-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag There was once a young Shepherd Boy who tended his sheep atthe foot of a mountain near a dark forest. It was rather lonelyfor him all day, so he thought upon a plan by which he could get alittle company and some excitement. He rushed down towards thevillage calling out "Wolf, Wolf," and the villagers came out tomeet him, and some of them stopped with him for a considerabletime. This pleased the boy so much that a few days afterwards hetried the same trick, and again the villagers came to his help.But shortly after this a Wolf actually did come out from theforest, and began to worry the sheep, and the boy of course criedout "Wolf, Wolf," still louder than before. But this time thevillagers, who had been fooled twice before, thought the boy wasagain deceiving them, and nobody stirred to come to his help. Sothe Wolf made a good meal off the boy's flock, and when the boycomplained, the wise man of the village said:
"A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth."

The Shipwrecked Impostor trolley bag

2008-07-02T20:09:00.001-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag The shipwrecked Chimpanzee had been clinging for a long time to aslender spar, when a Dolphin came up and offered to carry himashore. This kind proposition was immediately accepted, and, as theymoved along, the Chimp commenced to tell the Fish many marveloustales, every one of them a bundle of falsehoods. "Well, well, youare indeed an educated chap," said the Dolphin in admiration. "Myschooling has been sadly neglected, as I went to sea when but a weekold." Just then they entered a large bay, and the Dolphin, referringto it, said, "I suppose you know Herring Roads?" The chimp, takingthis for the name of a fellow, and not wishing to appear ignorant,replied: "Do I know Rhodes? Well, I should almost think so! He's anold college chum of mine, and related to our family by-" This wastoo much for the Dolphin, who immediately made a great leap, andthen diving quickly, left the impostor in the air for an instantbefore he splashed back and disappeared.
"A liar deceives no one but himself."

The Four Oxen and the Lion travel bag

2008-07-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag A Lion used to prowl about a field in which Four Oxen used todwell.Many a time he tried to attack them; but whenever he camenear they turned their tails to one another, so that whichever wayhe approached them he was met by the horns of one of them.Atlast, however, they fell a-quarrelling among themselves, and eachwent off to pasture alone in a separate corner of the field.Thenthe Lion attacked them one by one and soon made an end of allfour.
United we stand, divided we fall.

The Fisher laptop bag

2008-06-30T19:13:00.001-07:00

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A Fisher once took his bagpipes to the bank of a river, andplayed upon them with the hope of making the fish rise; but nevera one put his nose out of the water.So he cast his net into theriver and soon drew it forth filled with fish.Then he took hisbagpipes again, and, as he played, the fish leapt up in the net."Ah, you dance now when I play," said he.
"Yes," said an old Fish:
"When you are in a man's power you must do as he bids you."

The Fisherman Piping trolley bag

2008-06-30T19:12:00.002-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag A FISHERMAN skilled in music took his flute and his nets to theseashore.Standing on a projecting rock, he played several tunesin the hope that the fish, attracted by his melody, would oftheir own accord dance into his net, which he had placed below. At last, having long waited in vain, he laid aside his flute, andcasting his net into the sea, made an excellent haul of fish. When he saw them leaping about in the net upon the rock he said:"O you most perverse creatures, when I piped you would not dance,but now that I have ceased you do so merrily."

The Cat and Venus travel bag

2008-06-30T19:12:00.001-07:00

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A CAT fell in love with a handsome young man, and entreated Venusto change her into the form of a woman.Venus consented to herrequest and transformed her into a beautiful damsel, so that theyouth saw her and loved her, and took her home as his bride. While the two were reclining in their chamber, Venus wishing todiscover if the Cat in her change of shape had also altered herhabits of life, let down a mouse in the middle of the room.TheCat, quite forgetting her present condition, started up from thecouch and pursued the mouse, wishing to eat it.Venus was muchdisappointed and again caused her to return to her former shape.
Nature exceeds nurture.

The Cat and the Cock laptop bag

2008-06-30T19:11:00.001-07:00

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A CAT caught a Cock, and pondered how he might find a reasonableexcuse for eating him.He accused him of being a nuisance to menby crowing in the nighttime and not permitting them to sleep. The Cock defended himself by saying that he did this for thebenefit of men, that they might rise in time for their labors. The Cat replied, "Although you abound in specious apologies, Ishall not remain supperless"; and he made a meal of him.

The Charcoal-Burner and the Fuller trolley bag

2008-06-30T19:10:00.002-07:00

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A CHARCOAL-BURNER carried on his trade in his own house.One dayhe met a friend, a Fuller, and entreated him to come and livewith him, saying that they should be far better neighbors andthat their housekeeping expenses would be lessened.The Fullerreplied, "The arrangement is impossible as far as I am concerned,for whatever I should whiten, you would immediately blacken againwith your charcoal."
Like will draw like.

The Cobbler Turned Doctor travel bag

2008-06-30T19:10:00.001-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag A COBBLER unable to make a living by his trade and made desperateby poverty, began to practice medicine in a town in which he wasnot known.He sold a drug, pretending that it was an antidote toall poisons, and obtained a great name for himself by long-windedpuffs and advertisements.When the Cobbler happened to fall sickhimself of a serious illness, the Governor of the town determinedto test his skill.For this purpose he called for a cup, andwhile filling it with water, pretended to mix poison with theCobbler's antidote, commanding him to drink it on the promise ofa reward.The Cobbler, under the fear of death, confessed thathe had no knowledge of medicine, and was only made famous by thestupid clamors of the crowd.The Governor then called a publicassembly and addressed the citizens:"Of what folly have you beenguilty? You have not hesitated to entrust your heads to a man,whom no one could employ to make even the shoes for their feet."

The Bundle of Sticks laptop bags

2008-06-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

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An old man on the point of death summoned his sons around himto give them some parting advice.He ordered his servants tobring in a faggot of sticks, and said to his eldest son: "Breakit."The son strained and strained, but with all his efforts wasunable to break the Bundle.The other sons also tried, but noneof them was successful."Untie the faggots," said the father,"and each of you take a stick."When they had done so, he calledout to them: "Now, break," and each stick was easily broken."Yousee my meaning," said their father.
Union gives strength.

The Camel trolley bag

2008-06-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

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WHEN MAN first saw the Camel, he was so frightened at his vastsize that he ran away.After a time, perceiving the meekness andgentleness of the beast's temper, he summoned courage enough toapproach him.Soon afterwards, observing that he was an animalaltogether deficient in spirit, he assumed such boldness as toput a bridle in his mouth, and to let a child drive him.
Use serves to overcome dread.

The Cat-Maiden travel bag

2008-06-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bags trolley bag The gods were once disputing whether it was possible for aliving being to change its nature.Jupiter said "Yes," but Venussaid "No."So, to try the question, Jupiter turned a Cat into aMaiden, and gave her to a young man for a wife.The wedding wasduly performed and the young couple sat down to the wedding-feast."See," said Jupiter, to Venus, "how becomingly she behaves.Whocould tell that yesterday she was but a Cat?Surely her nature ischanged?"
"Wait a minute," replied Venus, and let loose a mouse into theroom.No sooner did the bride see this than she jumped up fromher seat and tried to pounce upon the mouse."Ah, you see," saidVenus,
"Nature will out."

The Ass and His Shadow laptop bags

2008-06-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

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A TRAVELER hired an Ass to convey him to a distant place.Theday being intensely hot, and the sun shining in its strength, theTraveler stopped to rest, and sought shelter from the heat underthe Shadow of the Ass.As this afforded only protection for one,and as the Traveler and the owner of the Ass both claimed it, aviolent dispute arose between them as to which of them had theright to the Shadow.The owner maintained that he had let theAss only, and not his Shadow.The Traveler asserted that he had,with the hire of the Ass, hired his Shadow also.The quarrelproceeded from words to blows, and while the men fought, the Assgalloped off.

The Ass Carrying the Image trolley bag

2008-06-26T17:59:00.000-07:00

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AN ASS once carried through the streets of a city a famous woodenImage, to be placed in one of its Temples.As he passed along,the crowd made lowly prostration before the Image.The Ass,thinking that they bowed their heads in token of respect forhimself, bristled up with pride, gave himself airs, and refusedto move another step.The driver, seeing him thus stop, laid hiswhip lustily about his shoulders and said, "O you perversedull-head! it is not yet come to this, that men pay worship to anAss."
They are not wise who give to themselves the credit due toothers.

The Ass and the Grasshopper travel bag

2008-06-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

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AN ASS having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highlyenchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody,demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them suchbeautiful voices.They replied, "The dew."The Ass resolved thathe would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger.

The Ass and the Lapdog laptop bags

2008-06-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

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A Farmer one day came to the stables to see to his beasts ofburden: among them was his favourite Ass, that was always well fedand often carried his master.With the Farmer came his Lapdog,who danced about and licked his hand and frisked about as happy ascould be.The Farmer felt in his pocket, gave the Lapdog somedainty food, and sat down while he gave his orders to hisservants.The Lapdog jumped into his master's lap, and lay thereblinking while the Farmer stroked his ears.The Ass, seeing this,broke loose from his halter and commenced prancing about inimitation of the Lapdog.The Farmer could not hold his sides withlaughter, so the Ass went up to him, and putting his feet upon theFarmer's shoulder attempted to climb into his lap.The Farmer'sservants rushed up with sticks and pitchforks and soon taught theAss that
Clumsy jesting is no joke.

The Ass and the Old Shepherd trolley bag

2008-06-26T17:56:00.001-07:00

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A SHEPHERD, watching his Ass feeding in a meadow, was alarmed allof a sudden by the cries of the enemy.He appealed to the Ass tofly with him, lest they should both be captured, but the animallazily replied, "Why should I, pray? Do you think it likely theconqueror will place on me two sets of panniers?'"No," rejoinedthe Shepherd."Then," said the Ass, "as long as I carry thepanniers, what matters it to me whom I serve?'
In a change of government the poor change nothing beyond the name of their master.

The Ass in the Lions Skin travel bag

2008-06-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

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An Ass once found a Lion's skin which the hunters had left outin the sun to dry.He put it on and went towards his nativevillage.All fled at his approach, both men and animals, and hewas a proud Ass that day.In his delight he lifted up his voiceand brayed, but then every one knew him, and his owner came up andgave him a sound cudgelling for the fright he had caused.Andshortly afterwards a Fox came up to him and said: "Ah, I knew youby your voice."
Fine clothes may disguise, butsilly words will disclose a fool.

What is his occupation? trolley bag

2008-06-16T23:46:00.001-07:00

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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman.""Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

What is the oldest profession? travel bag

2008-06-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

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A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

Trying to be impressive travel bag

2008-06-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

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A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it," I'm sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I'm not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I'll have to get back to you then." He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?" "Nothing," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone."

Valentines Day Cards laptop bag

2008-06-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'""But why?" asks the man."I'm a divorce lawyer."

Strange trolley bag

2008-06-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.""That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"

Big Man in a Small Town travel bag

2008-06-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

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Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying, "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man."I'm sorry for the delay," he said, "but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

Humor about St. Patricks Day laptop bag

2008-06-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

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Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked. "Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" Paddy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, "What's your name and address?" "I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

Amusing Jokes about the Irish trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:12:00.002-07:00

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Mrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a bus to Yuma, Arizona.
Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They say down on a bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose. Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them." Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."

Humor about the Irishmen travel bag

2008-06-15T23:12:00.001-07:00

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There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He'd wanted to be buried at sea.
"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "Oi'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. "What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation."

Humor about Drunk Irishmen laptop bag

2008-06-15T23:11:00.001-07:00

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A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100m. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide optical fibre network. 字串2 Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200m but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 h years ago were an even more advanced civilisation, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.

Humor about the Irish trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bag trolley bag An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent." 字串2
Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. "Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?

Humor about Ireland travel bag

2008-06-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

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Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. "Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die." "Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?" asked the other. "Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin -- but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner than both of us put together."
Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"

Irish Marriage Jokes laptop bag

2008-06-15T23:07:00.002-07:00

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Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse." This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"
A surgeon and an architect, both English, were joined by an Irish politician, and all fell to arguing as to whose profession was the oldest. Said the surgeon, "Eve was made from Adam's rib, and that surely was a surgical operation." "Maybe," said the architect, "but prior to that, order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job." "Shure now," interrupted the politician, "but somebody created the chaos first."

Jokes about Dumb Irishmen trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:07:00.001-07:00

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The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless. "Aidan," said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong." "Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of the bicycle I'd have thrashed him properly."
"Young man," said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. "It's alcohol and alcohol alone that's responsible for your present sorry state!" "I'm glad to hear you say that," replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief. "Everybody else says it's all my fault!"

Jokes about the Stupid Irish trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:06:00.001-07:00

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A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The man says "Sorry - we're right out of petrol." So the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?" And the attendant responds"Sorry, but no oil either." The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant "Just what kind of petrol station is this ?" The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front." The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres !"
Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan. One night he couldn"t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?" "Why, Dad, " said Frances, "Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!" "Well, next time, " roared Phelan, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"

Irish Pub Jokes travel bag

2008-06-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

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Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for it!"
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan

Studying Hard laptop bag

2008-06-10T20:45:00.001-07:00

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In recent years more and more and more students have been attending colleges and universities, and more students have been continuing their education beyond the four years required to earn a bachelor's degree. Some professions require many years of specialized training. Especially in technical and scientific fields, so much new information is being added to our present knowledge that people in technical fields must study constantly to keep up with new developments.

On Perseverance trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

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There are lots of examples about a person's Perseverance bringing about changes in history. Or new discoveries in cures for some human Diseases The well-known history of the Revolution in 1911 is a good example through a hard struggle with many failures for almost three decades, Dr. Sun Yat-sen with his people free themselves from a corruptive government of the last dynasty likewise if one wants to succeed in pursuing his serious goal in his life, perseverance is always the necessary characteristic he should learn to have.

Education Today travel bag

2008-06-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

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There is the feeing that education today should be practical as well as theoretical. For this reason, there are many courses which teach a student how to do things: how to make a dress, how to prepare a meal, how to use a computer or a calculator, how to draw plans for a house. Even in the more theoretical courses the teachers are constantly training their students to look for the practical applications of what they are learning.

On Solitude laptop bag

2008-06-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

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I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. Being in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I have never found a companion that was as friendly as solitude. We are for the most part lonelier when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our homes. A man thinking or working is always alone. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellow men. I have found that no exertion of the legs can bring two minds much nearer to one another.

On Punctuality laptop bag

2008-06-10T20:41:00.000-07:00

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One of the most important social graces in the American society is punctuality which means arriving on time. Most people consider it discourteous for a person to arrive at an appointment later than the time agreed on. Also, for most social engagements, especially those in a private home, it often causes inconvenience for a guest to come either earlier or later than the suggested hour.

On Human Rights trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

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Promoting human rights is our national goal since Dr. Sun Yat-sen founded the Republic of China in 1911. The heart of the human rights is that men are born equal that they have certain rights which cannot be taken away, and that a government is established to protect these rights The equality to which it refers means an equality given all men – an equal claim to the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. These rights cannot be given a away. These rights cannot be taken away by a government to protect these rights.

Diligence and Laziness travel bag

2008-06-10T20:39:00.002-07:00

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In general, diligence is the motive power of success. As it is, there are so many people who have been successful in their careers owing to diligence. To take Dr. Sun Yat-sen for example, he had been busy running about for the democratic revolution of China for forty years, which in the long run gave birth to the Republic of China. Compared with diligence, laziness is just opposite to it. Ten to one, failure often results from laziness. It is not too much to say that laziness is the main factor of failure.
No doubt, it pays to be diligent, but it's wrong to work and work without taking a rest. Undoubtedly, we may take some time off after hard work. We must recognize that being lazy may do good to us once in a while. Can you imagine that we take a rest for the purpose of taking a longer walk? Of course, we cannot be too diligent. On the other hand, we also shouldn't ignore the timely laziness. Because of this, we can find that diligence with proper laziness may lead to a wholesome life.

On Diligence travel bag

2008-06-10T20:39:00.001-07:00

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Chi-Chi is the most diligent student in our class. He is one of my friends. As a matter of fact, he gets along with everyone very well. He never spends time fooling around with his classmates. He might spend just five to ten minutes talking to you once in a long while, but he talks with enthusiasm and energy, and he likes to share his thinking and ideas with you. He is honest; he does not like to waste his time and energy in pretending. He never appears sleepy and tired in the classroom. He always hands in homework on time and also does well in his examinations, yet he has time practicing skiing and his rifle skill outdoors. I admire him. I hope I can be as diligent as he is; Chi-Chi is persistent, attentive, and energetic.

A Problem in Arithmetic laptop bag

2008-06-02T23:10:00.000-07:00

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Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.
One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store.
"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.
"Six for five cents."
"But I don't want six apples."
"How many apples do you want?"
"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic."
"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.
"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."
Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

Lucky Mother trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

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A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"

Imitation travel bag

2008-06-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

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A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."

Persistance laptop bag

2008-06-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bag Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?"
"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."
Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?"

I Taught the Teacher trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:06:00.001-07:00

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Mother asked her little boy, "Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?"
"Nothing, Mum," answered the son proundly, "instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three."

A Small Boy and a Donkey travel bag

2008-06-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bag A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad. "What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny?" asked one of them.
"So he won't join the army," the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

Present for Girlfriend cosmetic bag

2008-06-02T00:07:00.000-07:00

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At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it 'To my one and only love'. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."

Wood Fire handbag

2008-06-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

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One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"

Gardening Gloves hydration pack

2008-06-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

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For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you'll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

S.O.B. shopping bag

2008-06-01T23:57:00.002-07:00

S.O.B.
My father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. At a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for Mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.
"I don't want another S.O.B. toasting his shins around my fireplace," he explained.
With a sly grin, Mother cracked, "What makes you think I'd marry another S.O.B?"

All Right backpack

2008-06-01T23:57:00.001-07:00

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All Right
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."
"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."

My Husband Will Be Home Soon briefcase

2008-06-01T23:56:00.001-07:00

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A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

A Dying Man's Favorite Cookies laptop bag

2008-06-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

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An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

Be Careful What You Wish For trolley bag

2008-06-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

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A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

Best Reward travel bag

2008-06-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

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Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."

Secret For a Long Life travel bag

2008-05-28T23:55:00.000-07:00

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A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."

Pig or Witch travel bag

2008-05-28T23:54:00.000-07:00

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A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

pay for marriage

2008-05-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

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A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!一个小男孩问他的爸爸，结婚要花多少钱？爸爸说：我不知道，因为我仍然在付帐。

Lipstick in school...travel bag

2008-05-28T23:50:00.000-07:00

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According to a news report, a certain private school in WashingtonDC was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they wouldPress their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.Every night the Maintenance man would remove them and the next day theGirls would put them back.Several memos were posted about this, without effect. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls just how hard it was.Under careful instructions, the man took out a long-handledsqueegee(n. 橡胶清洁器), solemnly dipped it in the nearest toilet bowl, and scrubbed at the mirror.There was complete silence in the room.Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.　

Three Passions I have travel bag

2008-05-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

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Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a waywa rd course over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.
　　I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy-ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of my life for a few hours for this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness-that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what-at last-I have found.
　　With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine...A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.
　　Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.
　　This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

The Two Crabs-travel bag

2008-04-25T03:13:00.000-07:00

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One fine day two Crabs came out from their home to take a
stroll on the sand. "Child," said the mother, "you are walking
very ungracefully. You should accustom yourself, to walking
straight forward without twisting from side to side."

"Pray, mother," said the young one, "do but set the example
yourself, and I will follow you."

Example is the best precept.